If I Were the devil

If I Were the devil

By Paul Harvey
(1965)

 

If I were the devil

If I were the prince of darkness

I'd want to engulf the whole world in darkness.

And I'd have a thrid of it's real estate and four fifths of it's population,

but I wouldn't be happy until I had seized the ripest apple on the tree.

Thee!

 

So I'd set about however necessary to take over the United States.

I'd subvert the churches first,

I'd begin with a campaign of whispers.

With the wisdom of a serpent I would whisper to you as I whispered to Eve:

"Do as you please."

 

To the young I would whisper that "The Bible is a myth."

I would convince them that man created God,

instead of the other way around.

I would confide that what's bad is good

and what's good is, square.

And the old I would teach to pray, after me:

"Our father, which art in Washington..."

 

And then I'd get organized,

I'd educate the authors in how to make the lurid literature exciting,

so that anything else would appear dull and uninteresting.

I'd threaten T.V. with dirtier movies, and vice versa.

I'd peddle narcotics to whom I could,

I'd sell alcohol to ladies and gentlemen of distinction,

I'd tranquilize the rest with pills.

 

If I were the devil

I'd soon have families at war with themselves,

churches at war with themselves,

and nations at war with themselves,

until each in it's turn was consumed.

And with promises of higher ratings

I'd have mesmerizing media

fanning the flames.

 

If I were the devil

I would encourage schools to refine young intellects,

but neglest to dicipline emotions,

just let those run wild.

Until before you knew it,

you'd have drug-sniffing dogs

and metal detectors

at every school house door.

 

Withing a decade

I'd have prisons overflowing.

I'd have judges promoting pornography. 

Soon I could evict God from the courthouse,

then from the schoolhouse,

and then from the Houses of Congress.

 

And in His own churches

I would substitute psychology

for religion and deify science.

I would lure priests and pastors

into misusing boys and girls,

and church money.

 

If I were the devil

I'd make the symbol of easter an egg,

and the symbol of Christmas a bottle.

 

If I were the devil

I'd take from those who have

and give to those who wanted,

until I had killed the incentive of the ambitious.

What'll you bet,

I couldn't get whole States to promote gambling

as the way to get rich.

 

I would caution against extremes:

in hard work,

in patriotism,

in moral conduct.

 

I would convince the young

that marriage is old-fashioned.

That swinging is more fun.

That what you see on T.V. is the way to be,

and thus I could undress ou in public

and I could lure you into bed,

with diseases

for which there is no cure.

 

In other words

If I were the devil

I'd keep right on

doing what he's doing.